Breaking free from the bondage of pethedine - Jamila Ali

Hey, I am Jamila. I was addicted to Pethedine for 6 years. I am now 4 years sober and would like to tell you about my recovery story. My addiction began as a young lady when influenced by a friend to use Pethidine. He would say that Pethedine would ‘make you feel like you are in California when actually you are in Uganda.’  At first I was fearful but this friend convinced me to experiment. I never imagined that such small action could have huge effects on my life. At the beginning I would use once in a while but stopped when I got married. 

I was happily married wife and a mother full of great expectations and a promising business lady, yet I was never satisfied with how I felt in my own skin.  After I got my first baby I stayed home and stayed long hours ‘doing nothing’. I felt lonely and bored which prompted me to return to Pethedine to feel happy. Finding temporary relief from depression, anxiety, or fear is a normal reaction when using drugs. I was married to a Muslim man and couldn’t take alcohol as it is considered a religious taboo. Therefore, attempted to seek for something that could bring me fun just as alcohol would. Pethidine was the solution so I thought. Whenever I took Pethidine, all my problems seemed to melt away. I went on chasing that feeling for years ending up in an addictive lifestyle. Unfortunately, over time, the solution become a growing problem. The pain of daily use slowly squeezed the joy out of life to a point where an all-consuming, hurting habit dictated my thoughts and feelings. Years of drug use took a toll on my body and mind yet I started getting an overwhelming feeling that there is no escape. I got multiple soft tissue infections related to an unsterile injection technique, and I lost a lot of weight. I experienced bone and muscle pains, tremors, insomnia, fever, chills, vomiting, restlessness and agitations whenever I tried to quit. Most of all, I was tired of living to use and using to live. My drug dependency was associated with lying, manipulation and inconsistencies which ended up in loss of trust and respect. While under use, I thought people would understand that I didn’t want to be a bad person but drugs would make me so. For instance, I never wanted to lie except that drugs would lead me there. But people who never used drugs don’t see things that way. It used to hurt me that under addiction, I would never be trusted with money as I would even go to extremes to get money. My years of active addiction ended into homelessness as I lost meaningful relationships at home, work and among friends.  I got pregnant and lost the baby and in 2017 I lost someone very dear and my addiction escalated further as I administered pathedine to cope with the pain. 

Breaking Free  

When I finally made the decision of asking my family members for help, I was at the edge of life and felt like I was losing it. In 2017, I was taken for treatment and rehabilitation services at Hope and Beyond where I encountered detoxification and counseling. However, I relapsed, seven months after my discharge and returned to all my old ways and problems. A relapse didn’t stop me from seeking treatment again. I was readmitted at at Hope and Beyond but this time I had a changed and determined mindset that I needed to get serious if I wanted to get my life back. At HaB, I was welcomed well for the second time without bias or judgment. The counseling helped me to refocus my life

Benefits of recovery 

As I share my testimony, I feel that I am slowly regaining my life and all the things that I had lost especially trust. I can talk boldly and I look better. If you see my before and after, you would wonder if I am the same person. Now I am regaining trust among people and I can also have money on my own which never happened. I feel happy that I am contented and respected. That is what is amazing about addiction.